I am sol
Source of Light
It was in the middle of the night about two years ago that I woke up with one of my panic attacks. They weren't as frequent as they use to be, but none the less still came and when they did it was brutal. Much like a baby, I had to learn to self soothe and as I got up to sit on my meditation mat and ease into the panic, I kept hearing the words "you are the sol." It was as if my mind was on repeat.
The next day, once the wave of panic had passed (it really is like a tidal wave that hits you and then when it's gone the waters become calm) I kept hearing that same phrase, "you are the sol." I wrote it down on a post it and found myself reciting it much like a mantra throughout the day. I especially found comfort in the phrase when I felt any sort of anxiety. At the time I was going through something pretty traumatic and what I thought was a calming mantra soon became the light that guided me into my next phase of my life.
A couple weeks later, I was looking at my post it when I smiled and thought "sol" what a beautiful three letter word with so many meanings. It means sun in Spanish. It's the first three letters in the word solution and it sounds just like the word soul, however I had been guided to write sol. Then it hit me - I have been reciting "I am the sol" over and over again for weeks only to realize that what I was telling myself over and over again was that I was the source of light. I was the one that would get myself out of darkness. I was the sun warming my spirit and the solution to my own problems. It was always me. It takes strength, determination and faith in my sol to be my authentic self in life, to value who and the why to what I am doing on this planet. My purpose was to shine this light onto others when they weren't able to illuminate themselves. So here I am singing my sol out (see what I did there ;-)) and being me, being silly, having fun with life and reminding whomever reads this right now that if you need a solution to your problems than look within. YOU ARE THE SOL.